Emptying the bucket

Being engaged, planning a weddding, and prepping for marriage has many aspects to it. Most are really enjoyable and fun, but unfortunately, there are some not-so-fun things. Pre-marital counseling was something Tyler and I both had our hesitations about. The word "counseling" tends to have a negative connotation to it; we envisioned torturous sessions where we'd be forced to talk about our feelings, our relationship would be dissected, and all of our flaws would be pointed out to us so we'd know how difficult our married life would be.

Boy, were we wrong! First of all, our minister is incredible. He is a straight-forward, no frills, tell-it-like-it-is guy that is realistic about life, marriage, and young couples. We've only met with him a few times, and he's already taught us some great tools to aid in our communication. One exercise is called "Emptying the Bucket". To 'empty the bucket' you ask your partner 4 questions: What are you mad about? What are you sad about? What are you scared about? What are you glad about? That person answers each question one by one, the person asking the questions repeats their partners answers without commentary, and then you switch roles.

As silly as it may seem, it truly works! Simple questions like that open up so many topics for discussion. Even if you don't have anything you're particularly mad/sad/scared about, it's still nice to hear what your partner is feeling glad about! One thing that our minister told us that stood out to me was, "feelings buried alive never die." That is the absolute truth, and I hope that I always remember that.

Now we are to the point where we actually look forward to our counseling sessions, and plan to keep 'emptying the bucket' well into our marriage. :)