It's been no secret - well, not to me or my husband, at least - that lately I've been in a funk.
While I try my hardest to keep this blog generally light-hearted and upbeat, I have to break that mold for one post. I know that nobody likes to read the "poor, pitiful me" blogs or Facebook status updates - myself included! But, please bare with me while I throw myself a small pity party, so hopefully I can move on from this.
WHY THE HECK DOES IT SEEM SO EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME?!
What is 'it', you ask? Life! Plans. College... why does it seem like everyone was handed the blueprints of how their lives were supposed to go, while I'm stuck trying to figure it out for myself? Normally, I would never be this concerned about what others are doing but it's somewhat impossible to notice at this point. From technical school programs, missionary work, Bachelors degrees, and graduate school... a lot of my friends/acquaintances have found their calling. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them! So happy, and so very envious.
I have the motivation. I have the drive to do something amazing with my life and also love what I do...I just have no clue what that 'something' is, and it's starting to take a toll on me. I feel hopeless, and depressed... and mainly, a failure.
Amidst all of this negativity, the only things that keep me going are my wonderfully loving family, my supportive husband, and the fact that none of this is actually up to ME. It's all in His hands. He knows my way, and I have to trust that - even though it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Okay, pity party over. :P
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I think that setting goals my man and eventually want to achieve has helped us find our callings. It's easier to do something when you're working for an exciting goal :)
ReplyDeleteYou're not a failure! You're awesome. And don't worry...this is coming from someone who is far from figuring everything out.
ReplyDeleteI kept stacking up associate degrees at TCC (even though I know AA's don't really do much for me in the business of getting jobs) just because I didn't know what to do. Eventually I stopped getting degrees....and I STILL have no idea what I want to do. I don't know what to get a bachelors in. I don't even know if I want a bachelors. I don't know what I want to do for a career. I don't even know if I want a career. I don't know how we're going to get out of debt. I don't know how we're going to save a downpayment for a house. etc. etc.
So many uncertainties. They're really frustrating and do a great job at getting you down. Sometimes I've found the best cure is to let it pull you down for a day or two (it seems to get the depression out of its system then), then do one little thing that makes you feel like you're back to working toward your goal. If you're trying to save, put $10 in the bank. If you want to paint the walls, go pick out the color. Little things like that really do help!